Good Evening all ---- I know I haven't posted much at all lately - it seems life has been changing so quickly that it has left me little time to do much else, other than to hang on for dear life! LOL
My sons are good - the oldest is expecting a baby on December 1 - when I know the sex, yall will be the first ones I tell! LOL I'm so excited to be a grandmother, it just isn't even funny. My youngest is having a blast this summer - he's been able to be out and about, really enjoying his summer for the first time in his life, and I am so glad about that. I'm glad to be able to give him that, at least for one summer, he can be a carefree kid before he has to start working, start high school, all that stressfull stuff.
How am I doing you may ask? LOL I am doing good. I've had some ups and downs with my medications - I think I have got a dose that is working better - and will keep monitoring that. I know what to watch for within myself, so if it becomes needful to change the dosages, I know to do that. My job is good - I'm going back full time here fairly soon, after recovering from a workman's comp injury back in may. All is well with my health. Now it's time to catch up on bills and get back in the work groove. I work 11am-8pm so if you don't see me online, that's why. I am usually up until midnight or 1am - so late night calls are always ok
So, what deed is done you may ask? Trey and I filed the divorce papers with the court today. 90 days from today it will be finalized and I will go back to the name I've chosen which will be Michelle Mitchell. (maternal grandmothers maiden name) I thought it might be hard, but all I felt was an OVERWHELMING sense of relief. I looked at my husband, and realized, I don't care. I didn't feel love, I didn't feel anger or hate, I just didn't care.
I look at him and I see a man who has created his own life, and I am so so so grateful to the Goddess that his life is NO longer MY life. With all my ups and downs, I am glad that we are separated, I am glad we are divorcing - I don't regret any of it.
I thank my sister from the bottom of my heart for being there for me, and I thank all of you for keeping me in your mind, hearts, and energies. I hope to see you all as soon as I can.
I've been remiss in blogging lately. Alot has been going on in my world and in my mind. I know i've got some major life decisions looming on the horizon - positive ones - and feel like i have to get my world in order.
I'm good, my kids are good - i'm back at work full time, that is good too. Now it's time to play catch up with the bills and get back into the work mode. LOL
A shamanic pagan's roots are generally found in Native American faith. A true love and respect for the earth and all that it yields is central to their faith. Wisdom is most often found in spirit guides or totems, who can be animals, ancestors, or spirits. Pagans who follow this path tend to be far more aware of the delicate web that interweaves the lives of every person and thus move within that web accordingly. They're usually deeply insightful, friendly, loving people and excellent friends and parents. Mysterious and strong, as well, they are often the protectors of their friends and family as well as the moral compass for their friends and loved ones.
Do you ever wake up some mornings, and feel like a cloud of darkness have enveloped you and you can see nothing but darkness, anger, frustration?
I woke up that way this morning. I know when that happens to me, I have to distance myself from people in general, and my friends in particular otherwise it can get ugly. I will say things I truly don't mean, I will look at them with anger, I will only come from a place of anger.
So i cancelled the plans to go to the lake today with a pagan friend of mine, and have answered a few emails (easy enough to re-read and erase what i may have typed that was not needed as opposed to talking when the words come out and you can not retract them once said) and decided to blog about it.
Surely everyone has these days? Surely i'm not the only one?
Being a strong Empath, when this happens i have to sit a minute and see if these are MY feelings, MY frustration and anger - or am I getting them from someone else? I am always strongly connection to my family (my blood family as well as those I have chosen for my family) so I run through the list o see if I am getting it from them (and sometimes i am) or if it is from me. I know that the darkest part of me is still angry, still frustrated, still hurt - so sometimes it IS me. If it's someone else, I will block that "incoming" and it usually works. Then I will contact them to see what is going on. It's always a relief to find it's coming from a loved one that i have a tie with and not me.
Because if it's coming from me - that's scary. That I still harbor those dark feelings within me? ARGH....some days it seems to never go away.
So, I sleep. In sleep i have peace - if only for a while. Peace from other's emotions, peace from my own emotions --in sleep i can reconstruct what my reality is, and make it nicer, prettier, more....just MORE than it is at the moment. In sleep I can create what i want.
All I crave is peace. Some days i have it, some days i have to work for it, and some days it is slippery and elusive.
I am guessing that is the way of the world though.
I've been thinking..... I know, I know it's dangerous when that happens. Can't you see the steam coming out of my ears? Didn't you notice the big thunderstorms daily in my neck of the woods? Ha ha - THATS what happens when I think.
Well I've been thinking, Soul Mates - truth or fantasy? There are so many differing ideas regarding soul mates - do you think that they are a true mate to you? do you think that they are the other half of your soul and you can only be complete with them? and if so, why can't you be complete by yourself? Some even say that Soul Mates are more like a sibling relationship?
What do you think?
If you find that one person that just fills you with love, fills you with peace, contentment, makes you feel cherished, loved, accepted, honored, wanted, needed - and you feel a hole left when they are not near you --- is that just a really really good relationship or is it a soul mate?
What do you think the difference between a soul mate and a Life Mate are?
Just some ideas running through my mind. Tell me your thoughts?
