How true is this for me at this moment? An interesting idea to ponder, as I have been avoiding the pondering aspect of quite a few things as of late.
You are The Tower
Ambition, fighting, war, courage. Destruction, danger, fall, ruin.
The Tower represents war, destruction, but also spiritual renewal. Plans are disrupted. Your views and ideas will change as a result.
The Tower is a card about war, a war between the structures of lies and the lightning flash of truth. The Tower stands for "false concepts and institutions that we take for real." You have been shaken up; blinded by a shocking revelation. It sometimes takes that to see a truth that one refuses to see. Or to bring down beliefs that are so well constructed. What's most important to remember is that the tearing down of this structure, however painful, makes room for something new to be built.
Just came back from a weekend in Denver. I live in a small town in NE Colorado, so going into Denver is a 2 hour drive. We used to live there, so I know the area well.
I met a friend I work with there and her family. I also picked up an old friend that i haven't been very good at keeping in touch with since we moved. We all went to one of the big metaphysical book stores "grand opening". Had alot of fun - spent some money i probably shouldn't have - got a henna tattoo of a celtic dragon and some more window stickers for my car ( LOL ). Then we went to a very nice Metaphysical coffee shop, Witches Brew. Had a great cup of Vanilla Latte, sat on the couches and just started talking to whoever sat down. It was such an awesome feeling of acceptance, companionship, stimulating conversation and friendship.
I miss that the most living in this small town. There is a very very very small amount of Pagans and Witches here - and it is so closed minded most of them are not "out". This particular trip to Denver evoked nostalgia for me. It made me realize how isolated and lonely I am up here in the NE portion of the state I love the most.
I also got to see my son and his fiance - helped run them around on some errands (they are having a baby in December) and spend the day with them. My youngest son got to spend 3 days with his brother, they loved that. I spent 3 days with my good friend Lezlie. She and i reconnected like there hadn't been any time since we'd seen each other, even though its been like 4 years. That part was awesome.
I have a very special person that I do not get to see enough of, and was able to spend a few hours with that person as well over the weekend. very good in some ways - and in others it left me more lonely.
Since the separation from my soon to be Ex husband, i've been not feeling real social. This was the first trip where I actually socialized. Part of the issue is being such a strong empath, part of it is just not wanting to be face to face with others, and having to deal with them. So I guess I have isolated my own self to an extent as well. Although the trip went well (we stayed 2 extra days), i did wear my Hematite daily, and that did help tremendously.
In the middle of all this, my soon to be Ex husband calls me to advise that he got the divorce papers filled out and i need to sign them as soon as I got back to town.
Sounds easy enough, right? It IS what i've been pushing for, what i've been waiting for. For the divorce to be final and that very last tie to be snipped. I've worked hard to get him out of my heart, my mind, my soul - i've worked hard to be independant, to be the strong, powerful woman i am - and yet, the thought of signing those papers made me sad.
Why you may ask? Well, i wondered that myself at first. But i realized that it was simply because i was grieving for the first 5 years of our marriage. Those were good years, we loved each other, we were happy, we were content, we were companions, we were lovers, friends, spouses, parents. The last 2 years went all downhill from there. So while i no longer know the man as he is now, while i no longer even LIKE the man he is now - there was a time when i loved him very much. So leaving that behind, that makes me a bit sad. It is necessary, it is wanted, but sad none the less.
So, did I sign the papers you may wonder? Why yes i did, and cried just a bit as i did so, but they are signed to to be filed this week. in 90 days, another marriage bites the dust, legally.
So, how do I feel now? good question. I don't know, and I don't feel like looking too closely at the moment. I want some time to just wrap myself up with my Dragon (guide) and grieve. Sometimes i feel weak that i have this need to grieve, and sometimes i feel it is my right. I don't know, i guess conflicted is the best term to use for how i feel righ now.
I do know i will work through this, just as i have all the other things that have happened over the past 8 months. I know this is a shedding of the old to make way for the new. I know this is a new beginning for me and for my sons. I know that on the horizon there are wonderful things that await me, and I know i have many glorious paths to choose from. It's just that right now i want to have a lil pity party LOL. So, i'm going to have it. I'm going to eat some chocolate, drink lots of coffee, and read a few good books. Then I am going to curl up with my Dragon and have a good cry. THEN, i will feel much better. Then i will feel strong enough to move forward and do the things that need doing for this new beginning.
May you and your families be blessed by God and Goddess,
Today was a typical Spring Day in Colorado. It was only in the 50's, cloudy, some much needed rain, and gentle breezes all day. Just the way I love it. Give me winter, give me Spring, give me Fall - Summer not so much LOL
Windows open, in and out all day, admiring my back field and Fae who grace me with their presence, watching my cats jump, run and play with the Fae who came in and out of the house to specifically torment, er...play, with the cats. :) I made some homemade bread and the smell is wonderful, fresh coffee, again filled the house with homey comfort smells.
I was able to spend some nice quality time with my youngest son (15), who is such a lovable and loving child, it amazes me. After all he has been through, he is still capable of being a loving boy. Teenager, almost man. Makes me think I didn't do too bad a job with him, ya know.
I also spent some time remembering those who have died for freedom. Not just those veterans, but the Native Americans who died for the freedom of their people, their land, their Sacred Places. Who still fight to keep those places sacred, to who still fight to get back their land. I sent love,peace and comfort energy to all veterans and their family, all active and reseerve and their families, and all Native Americans, past and present and their families.
Being Native American (1/4 Blackfoot) and my sons being 1/4 Creek - it is not a side that we know much about within ourselves, but we have that knowledge - that deep desire to connect with our ancestors, to remember the lost knowledge. And to grieve the losses of our Tribes. We all know that when the time is right, we will be able to connect with our blood family, or we will choose the family we shall consider blood.
To me, family you choose is as important as the family who is your blood. Sometimes even more. Sometimes the family you are born into - isn't the best. So you choose the family you want as you grow older, and you keep them close to you - no matter where they are in the world. Once they are in your heart, you have a spiritual connection that you can reach for anytime to see how they are - what they are doing - sending them love as needed - and how nice is that? To be able to "reach" out to do that? It is comforting, it is very nice.
So, today i found beauty within the land, within the sky, within my life, within my son and my beloved cats - and as i sleep tonight, i will dream of the beauty of life, and bring that back with me when i wake. How can you have a "bad" day when you are able to see and recognize the beauty in everything?
May you and your families be blessed with love, joy, peace and happiness.
As I said in my previous blog post - the area that is being landscaped around my job site was left barren, and the Fae that lived there were left homeless. The Trees, Bushes, Plants and Flowers still had their energy there - torn from their Mother as they were.
Last night, at the Full Moon, I did a ritual to help this area heal, and spoke with the Fae still in that area. With the help of the Queen, I was able to help them relocate to other areas that were in need of tending.
Many decided to come to the field behind my home, a rather large field that had no Fae in it at all. This is undeveloped land, that is part of a Nature Walk, so the chances of them losing their home this time is very slim.
They seem quite happy to have this large field, and several feral cats who live there to play with.
As I have always worked with the Fae, i felt terrible that it took me so long to see that they had not moved on. I do not know why they did not move on, when I asked, i was told it was not for me to know, only for me to assist.
So, assist I did, and now have a field of very very happy Fae in my back yard. So far, not a bad thing, although I have a feeling we shall be setting guidelines quite soon, once they are settled. They always have a tendency to push the limits until they know exactly what those limits are.
I am happy and contented to know i could assist, and the Ritual itself was quite grounding and uplifting, and helped me to center myself a bit more spiritually. I've let that aspect slack off over the past few weeks, due to my accident. I am working daily to improve that, and to get back to my spiritual center.
It is always such work to keep that balance between the otherside, and this side, between the astral and the mundane. I haven't quite got the key to that balance as of yet, but i keep working on it.
May all your loved ones and yourself be blessed with peace, love, joy and happiness in your lives.
